The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
