Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When are your genitals available?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
