I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
