i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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