How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Shame - the story of my life.
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