He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
