I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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