There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
