even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
