Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i will never coherently bang her
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
