new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
