i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
