Its about making memories worth repressing
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
