i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
