did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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