Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
