I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
