So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
