Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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