grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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