the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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