I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
