john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
