Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
