just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
