I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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