theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
