I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
