cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
