There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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