im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
