I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
