i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I want to fling myself into the sun
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
