Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
