if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
