you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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