I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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