I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
