oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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