we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
