he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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