Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo

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(647): View more from Ontario

Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.

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(513): View more from Ohio

All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.

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(705): View more from Ontario

He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.

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(619): View more from California

Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.

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(805): View more from California

Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come

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(201): View more from New Jersey

he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night

(551): View more from New Jersey

oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him

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(719): View more from Colorado

Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.

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