Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
