It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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