Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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