he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
