i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
