also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
