Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
