are you still at the devil's house?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Life is so much better after having sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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