You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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